What is the most important word in sales? Without a doubt, empathy, for without it, you have nothing. Why is this so important? Extending empathy connects you to the customer in a way that words cannot describe. Empathy is the bond. Consider this example:

It’s your fi rst time sky diving and you are about to jump out of an airplane. Which scenario would make you feel more comfortable and at ease?

The instructor says to you, “This is easy, just do it. It’s not a big deal.”

Or

The instructor says to you, “Oh, I remember my fi rst time. I was so nervous, but the rush I experienced helped me overcome my fear. Just be in the moment and trust in my experience to keep us safe.”

Your customer needs to hear reassurance. Can you learn to identify the magnitude of their situation? Are you able to make them feel you appreciate their concerns and they’re not alone in feeling that way? Reassure them that
you are there to walk them through the steps safely.

Empathy is used throughout the sale. It is most important when trying to land a customer on an exact product.

Many sales are lost at this point. A sales person asks the customer, “What type of car are you considering?” The customer says, “I haven’t really thought about what type of car. I just know that I need to replace mine.” Typical response by a sales person: “Two doors or four doors? Stick or automatic?” This does not address their true initial concern – you.

Try this: “Yes, I know how confusing it can be with all the choices available today. Why don’t we fi gure out what is important to you and then we can fi gure out which direction to go. Fair enough?”

You reassured them that it’s all right to be unsure, and that you’re willing to spend the time to help them through the steps.

Empathy versus sympathy It is truly amazing what is accomplished by changing your sales approach from pitching and qualifying to mentoring, consulting and advocating. The challenge is that most sales people are uncomfortable in this role and it is portrayed as such to the customer. The vicious cycle continues.

Empathy is not sympathy. You do not want to alienate the customer by making them feel bad. Empathy is only effective when it is from the heart. You can use it when needed and still be sincere.

Let’s say a customer is shopping for a car and they seem distant and unemotional. Most sales people do not know how to handle this type ofcustomer. The customer can be perceived as uninterested to the untrained eye. Stop selling and respond in a gentle manner.

For example, ask a customer:
“How have you found the experience of shopping for a car?”

More than likely in one way or another they will say that it’s horrible and they can’t wait for it to end.

Your rejoinder:
“Yes, I’ve heard that in the past from some customers. It starts off fun and becomes a burden. Is this how you feel?”

They will usually elaborate and give you an example of their experience. This is good. Although sales people do not want to hear it, this builds the bond and gives you an idea of what turns them off.

No matter what stage in the selling process you are in, empathy works its magic. If a customer cannot commit during your close, explain that you understand how diffi cult it is to make such choices. This will allow you to go through the steps of summarizing the reasons this is the deal for them, without engaging their force fi eld. Even if a customer cannot decide on a color or whether to use your fi nancing, empathy has an effect.

Practice using empathy by role-playing. As sales people, we are so geared towards selling that we do not hear some of the elements that are key to the sale.

Empathizing with emotions opens opportunities for building a strong and trusting relationship. Being real is a good thing. Don’t be afraid to ask personal questions. Empathy is like a warm blanket for the ego. People will share emotions, provided they feel comfortable.

Make a friend before you insult Roger had five years experience in auto sales and considered himself a professional. His grosses, however, were considerably lower than some of the other sales people.

His grosses were low because he wasn’t asking for higher ones. When he was asked to try and quote all of his customers at list price, he replied that his customers were too intelligent to pay list and he would insult them. With skepticism, he agreed.

When Roger’s fi rst customer sat down at his desk, he quoted list price on a new Buick. The customer stood up and walked out on him. “You see what happens when you quote list price? He walked out on me,” he said, to
which we asked him what he did prior to quoting the price. “The customer was looking for the specifi c car and asked for my price. I gave it to him and he left.”

It’s true that quoting list price can be perceived as an insult, especially to an educated buyer who has been shopping around. So what do we do? Discount every car, every time? Try to prejudge who will pay list and who won’t?

First of all, you do not have to make excuses for asking list price for a car. That is the manufacturer’s suggested retail price. Getting a discount should be an exception to the rule. Roger tried something different next time: he
stopped selling and forgot the car and the price – he talked to the customer about themselves; how they heard about the dealership and what they enjoyed doing when not shopping for a car.

When Roger met his next customer, for the fi rst three minutes, he engaged in good conversation with the customer. It just so happened that the customer was a bartender. This was a very good bond, since Roger owned a restaurant prior to working in the auto business.

And, when Roger reported on their conversation, he was given the list price for the car his customer was interested in, to which he went back and quoted it. The customer then said, “Come on Roger, I found
the car at another dealership for $1,300 less. You can do better than that.”

What goals were achieved? Roger now knew where his customer had shopped, the price he was quoted, and that his customer really wanted the car. Since they had established a bond, the customer not only stayed, but also told him every objection up front. Plus, they were on a fi rst name basis. He made a friend before he insulted the customer. The results speak for themselves.

Once you’ve established a relationship, you’ve earned the right to guide a customer through the sale. Whether a customer is angry or scared, making a friend enables you to control the sale. If you told a stranger in the street that you didn’t really like what they were wearing, what would be their response? What would be the response if you shared the same comment with a friend?